DATE YOURSELF- LEARN TO LOVE YOU
WHERE IT ALL STARTS
Life circumstances is what brings us to feel the way we do about ourselves and about this world. Friends, family, careers, school, society, pressure of beauty, status or traumatic events bring about feelings of unworthiness, neglect, pressure, depression, self hate, etc. But our wost enemy can be ourselves. As time goes by it gets worse if we keep feeding our minds the negative words that create the nasty little feelings we get. People are next in line. I understand there are people who have been through emtional and physical abuse throughout their lives, you may have grown up in a negative environment so your mind feels programmed to the negative. But remember it isn't too late! You can still redeem yourself and give yourself a chance to live life, the short life that we have to live. Make the best out of your life and start taking charge because we can do it if we control the way our mind works.
EXAMPLES OF SELF HATE
THE BRUISED AND ABUSED
Physical/ Emotional Abuse and Negligence (Childhood or Adulthood)
Most people with low self-esteem
have a history of both, physical and emotional abuse during their
childhood. They may have even been neglected. Abuse of any kind gives a child the impression that he is
simply a thing to be used and punished and that in some way he deserves
it. The effects of abuse are deep-rooted and extremely difficult to
treat. The most likely culprits of child abuse are family, friends,
relatives, neighbors, strangers and foster or step parents. Some people carry this into their adulthood unconsciously, not realizing that the reason they are the way they are is because of what happened to them in childhood or in there teens. People will say things, do things and hurt you for many reasons. Maybe they went through these things and it is embedded into their character to do the same to others to make them feel better about themselves. Some people grow up completely opposite because they don't want to be that way. Others didn't experience love so they grow up with their own version of love. It happens but what matters is how you respond to it. Don't allow it to penetrate your mind, body and soul. Words can be healing or poisonous. Choose the ones that will help you grow and blossom. Let it go and walk away.
KNIFE IN THE HEART
Betrayal in a romantic relationship can lead to a
person doubting himself and his self-worth. He might feel that there is
something lacking in him and that is why the person has left and gone. And most of the time this is not so, some people are just not meant for each other or may grow differently to the point that it leads to being two different people. Unfortunately, you can't make someone stay with you. You can't make anyone love you as much as you may love them. It's just a part of life. If that person doesn't want you, someone else will and in the long run, it will be completely worth it. Besides, you might have needed to learn something from that relationship that will get you ready for the next person that is meant to be your soul mate. Life throws you rocks so you learn what not to take, it teaches you what you don't want and what you do want in a long life relationship.
When it comes to the betrayal of friends and family, keep it mind, family are still human. But they will always be family. Just like a friend that stabbs you in the back or betrays you, walk away and just take the situation at hand as a life lesson. Whomever is not helping you grow or being a positive influence in your life, drop them like a hot potato! You don't need that. Through these type of trials, is where you will appreciate the real friends and family you have in your life.
AM I BEAUTIFUL ENOUGH?
Since one's face is the first thing that
leads to forming an impression, many people with a not so attractive
physical appearance may tend to feel inferior when compared to a better
looking person. Some may then try and isolate themselves from an active
social life and retreat into a shell. Let me tell you something, not one person has zero insecurity inside regarding their bodies. If there is a person that does, kudos to them and when I find them I will be sure to get the inside scoop! Kim Kardashian goes through it, Jennifer Lopez, and other countless celebrities. If they go through you, you bet we do too! It does not mean that you are not good enough. Everyone has a different body type, you may have some cellulite on that booty but everything can't be perfect. Barbie wasn't even perfect. There is no perfect. What may not be perfect to someone, may be perfect to someone else. Everyone has their preference. Your body is just looking for that puzzle piece that fits it. You know what beautiful is, its what is inside of you! I don't know about you but I have seen (what I would call flawless beings) that just had the most nastiest attitudes or personality, immediately physical rating goes from a 10 to 1 in 1.5 seconds.
I"m all about a man with muscle and physique and beautiful eyes but the moment he starts being conceded or I an ugly heart beneath all that beef, he starts looking like Freddy Cougar. Beauty is found under that mask (physique), what's under that mask is what is true beauty (your heart). Remember the devil was once a beautiful Angel. Don't let the physical appearance fool you.You will attract more people with personality and what's on the inside than whats on the outside. Don't focus so much on the physical that you start to loose yourself. Besides, being physically flawless brings you alot of superficial people and you start to wonder if guys are with you for what's inside or for whats on the outside.Some don't care if they attract superficial or not but if your a girl like me, you do care about attracting genuine people. Embrace who you are and what you look like. If people don't accept you than that means they are not worth your time and you are the one that is too good for them.
NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES
Some low self-esteem issues are caused due
to negative experiences. Children tend to take in the negativity around
them and this affects their sense of self. Similarly, some adults are
easily affected by the negative experiences that they go through and may
develop a low self-esteem. Remember as an adult there is a way out of everything! It is even stated in the bible (Corinthians 10:13).
"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it".
Kids can't help it but that's why it's important for us as adults to keep them out of the way of these negative experiences and help them through their negative thoughts. Kids are like sponges and they take in all our frustrations, feelings and bad situations. It's our job to keep them out of harms way physically and emotionally.
As for us adults, there are always several roads we can take in any situation. Thinking positive will always bring you to the best route not to mention bring you the greatest results. Your mind is the controller, your heart is the battery. If you have those two working in conjunction to each other, you can make life so much more enjoyable than it ever has been! No matter what has happened, tell yourself life is not over.
You will make mistakes in life, if they weren't there, you would have nothing to learn from. So don't dwell on your mistakes and put that energy on how you can fix things and move forward to make things better. I learned this the hard way, I hated myself for making the bad decisions I had made in relationships, career, school and friends. I would always tell myself I could have been further in life if I had not made half the mistakes I had made. I had put myself in so many relationships due to my low self-esteem, had no idea what kind of man I wanted, didn't love myself to care and I paid the consequences for it. But what I was doing was moving backwards which prevented me from moving forward.
Don't let your circumstances control you, control your circumstances! We are all going to go through bad circumstances, these are the things that build us to what we will become in the future and present time. It will mold you to be strong, to be able to endure all things and be knowledgeable so you can help others that may have or will go through what you went through. Everything happens for a reason! If you look at more positive, you will never get stuck in that negative state of mind that is only going to attract more bad circumstances that your not going to be able to crawl yourself out of which will make you loose yourself. Bite it in the butt before it get to that stage.
THERE IS A HERO THAT LIES IN YOU
Has anyone heard the song from Mariah Carey called "Hero"? Well I would like you to listen to this song. This song believe it or not is so very inspiring when it comes to seeing yourself as a hero and loving yourself enough to see that through hard times, you can get through anything because inside everyone is a warrior and has strength. I sing my kids this song before bed, whenever they feel sick or down and it always brought a smile to their face or made them fall asleep. To this day, this song has meant so much to me and it has always lifted me up when I felt like life was sucking me dry. You just have to find that warrior inside. No matter what circumstances you are in, no matter who told you that you are ugly, pathetic, won't amount to nothing, and won't be anything, that relationship that made you feel like you weren't worth anything. You have a quarter back inside just waiting for you to pull him out to the field called Life.STEPS TO SELF LOVE
- Go to a mirror and take a look at yourself. This is best done in the morning since you have to get ready anyways. Find one thing you like about yourself. It doesn't matter what it is. You have great hair, beautiful brown eyes, nice smile, nice round butt, great personality. It can be something as tiny as the shape of your eyebrows. Just find something that you can be positive about.
- Hold on to that one positive thing. The next time you think a negative thought about yourself, stop and remind yourself that you do have something about yourself that is great.
- Find something else about yourself that you like. It doesn't matter what it is, it just has to be something positive. Again, use these positive things to cancel out the negative. It doesn't have to be something positive physically. Doing something good at work, a favor for a family member, handling a difficult task, being a good parent.
- Treat yourself when you come with something positive about yourself. Take time to pamper yourself or pick up a special dessert for yourself. Buy something for yourself. Create a positive attitude within you
- Continue to reinforce this positive thinking. Negative thoughts are as much of a habit as positive ones. So your creating a new way of thinking when you practice this. Continue and repeat these steps when a negative pops up. Replaced every negative with a positive and see how this will change your life completely.
POSITIVE AFFIRMATION "THE SECRET"
Additional Self Love Tips:
- If you just can't get out of this slump by all means. Than it's ok to seek professional help. You may have a chemical imbalance. You wouldn't be the only one, for goodness sakes even celebrities have their psychiatrists.There is nothing wrong with getting professional help. It's better than being a emotional wreck for the rest of your lives. Sometimes meds are necessary to help the chemistry in your brain to work correctly so your able to get your mind in line to be able to organize your thoughts correctly. Loving yourself means taking care of yourself and doing what is necessary to have a fulfilling life. But by all means, don't go straight into medications. Do all the above first, there are also natural remedies that are good for certain things such as anxiety and depression. MAKE MEDS YOUR LAST RESULT!
- Take care of your body. It can affect your mind tremendously. If your hungry, your brain is hungry. Take good care because how you feel can play a big impact on how you feel and no matter what you tell yourself it may be hard if your body is not up to par.
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